Clockwork Prince: A continuation :)
by notinbutsmiles
Summary: I had to repost my story cause my account is great like that- A continuation from Clockwork prince :)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one: Unfinished Business

"Will."

"Ms. Tessa. Or shall I call you Mrs. Car-"

"You can call me Tess Will," I said in a rush, not prepared to hear Jem's last name used in that fashion quite yet. He shrugged, his hands shoved in his jeans pockets uncomfortably as his eyes shifted around the airy dining room. I glanced behind my chair, smiling lovingly as Henry pranced about the room swinging dear Charlotte about in his giddiness. A fatherly, protective expression over came him as soon as Charlotte stumbled over her feet out of glee, but I turned back to Will as she waved his concerned protests away.

"You sounded like you had something to say Ms. Tessa," Will said quietly.

"Yes." I turned my attention back to him, feeling suddenly disarmed and embarrassed by his calm, wavering ocean eyes. I was tempted to simply sink into them, but he looked away and rested both his elbows on the chair nearest him with a sigh. Thank goodness.

"I-" I began lamely, suddenly lost of words. Though I knew exactly what I wanted to say, I felt my cheeks flush instantaneously. "Just, thank you." _Way to be blunt Tessa_, I worried.

His eyes met mine for a moment as his surprised reaction searched my face.

"For what?" He nearly whispered, looking small and innocent though he loomed over my shadow from where he stood.

"For saying what you said. When everyone was speechless. I was sure poor Jem was going to flush with embarrassment and there would be utter silence tonight about our engaged."

Will involuntarily shivered at the word "engagement", but I tried to pretend I didn't notice by glancing over at Gideon, who looked about ready to climb onto the table to get Sophie's attention. She gnawed on her lip anxiously, trying to use the silver platter to cover her scarred face in growing embarrassment as she walked back and forward between the kitchen and dining room. _I swear, they should get together already, _I thought curiously. But I shooed the thought away. It was their business after all, not mind.

"I had too. Jem is my _parabati-" _Will replied.

"You did not have to, but you did anyway." In a small voice I added, "Just like you saved my life."

"That's because I-." He closed his mouth, looking the opposite direction. "Not just because I. . . It's my duty," he finished quickly.

My chest began to ache. I wanted to place my hands on his shoulders and look him in the eye to ease his mind, but I couldn't. _Will deserves more then an engaged girl! I wish I could just tell him, tell him . . .oh what would you say Tessa?_ What was there for me to say? I was getting married to Jem; sweet, calm, madly in love with me Jem, and it was because Will was too late. No! what was I thinking?! _Not because he is too late, because he is not the boy I am in love with. Right? I am in love with Jem._ _Nothing except silly warlock powder has brought Will and I together. . And my silly dream that may have not been a dream in the first place._

I looked to the other seat next to mine, and feeling my lush skirts shift in place, Jem turned to glance over his shoulder to smile warmly at me. He had been talking to a flushed Charlotte before hand, but she was swept away instantly by Henry once more. I melted under his calmness.

"Hello love," he said, admiration shining in his silvery eyes. I grinned back, feeling how contagious his and Henry's happiness was.

"Hello Jem." Under the table he brushed my hand with his, wrapping his oddly warm fingers with mine. I felt at home with him. This was right; this was exactly where I was supposed to be.

"James," Will started, causing my certainty to melt away as if I had been dunked into a raging river. "Congrats," was all he ended up saying, though he opened his mouth as if he was going to give a speech that refused to happen.

Jem grinned cloudlessly and looked Will in the eye, as if they were speaking to each other without saying anything. "Thanks Will."

He still didn't know. And he never would find out. Will made me promise not to tell anyone that he loved me, especially not Jem. And I intended on keeping that promise. Forever.

"Y-" Will's voice cracked, "you too Tessa."

_He called me Tessa._ "Thanks."

I was not sure how I felt, but this was the new will and I was sure he was here to stay. After he had come home in a giddy whorl from the night before, he was different, suddenly open and actually compassionate. But as soon as I found out the reason why, I had crushed him and his newly uncursed heart. It may not have seemed clear to a busy Charlotte and narrow-minded Henry, but to Jem and me we saw the false amusement that glazed his eyes. It tried to hide the obvious pain and hopelessness that was building inside of him that I had created. I had done this to him. But not even Jem, though he mutely sensed something wrong, could tell to what extent Will was breaking down.

"Mrs. Charlotte!" All heads turned toward the kitchen, even the cook stopped her wallowing music, because Sophie was standing in the doorway looking paler than usual. Her small, strong hands were fisted at her waist, clutching a piece of paper. "Mrs. Charlotte, please, come quickly!" She gestured wildly as Charlotte, clearly baffled, hurried towards the distressed girl.

"Darling-" Henry began.

"Not now Henry, I am very capable of walking to the door for the next eight months!" She nearly barked. With a steady hand Sophie handed the crumpled sheet to her, but before looking at it they both entered the kitchen, leaving behind a silent room.

I hadn't realized I had been holding my breath, so I slowly let the air slip out of me as Jem squeezed my hand in comfort to the growing fever. A lot had happened in the past two weeks. Between Charlotte winning the institute back in front of the council, Jem and my engagement, Henry's franticness about his unborn baby, Will and his hormonal carriage ride, and Nathan sputtering blood and dying in my arms, I needed that breath.

"It's probably nothing," Jem said to the room airily, though he was obviously not sure of those words. None of us could believe them anymore.

"Right, very right, it's probably nothing," Henry chimed in.

"Or, in fact, it's something," Will said bluntly. That kept everyone quiet.

It was only seconds later that Charlotte reentered the sobered room, looking as grave as she had just that morning. _Only a few hours ago we seemed so intense_, I oddly mused. I should have known the mending smiles wouldn't last too long.

Rings seemed to have suddenly appeared under her aging eyes again like shadows, unless, I had just dismissed them and pretended they weren't there for that brief supper of happiness.

Before anyone could ask, she sighed heavily and said, "Benedict Lightwood has been found dead," I gasped, and instantly the room seemed to buzz with tense energy. "One of the maids, Matilda, found him in the study of the Lightwood mansion. And Gabriel," she said, glancing at the stricken Gideon anxiously, "was last seen running out of the front door and into the distance just as help arrived." There was a moment of silence as our brains processed what had just occurred.

Then Gideon stood up abruptly and practically shouted, "Stupid fool! Gabriel is going to be targeted as the prime suspect for our-" he wavered, "our father's death! Stupid fool! Why would he do such a thing?"

We were all surprised by Gideon's outburst, along with Will putting a comforting hand on Gideon's heaving shoulder, but from the sudden turn of events everyone held it down. Gideon's breath was coming out in quick sharp huffs and I noticed how Sophie stood in the corner of the room anxiously staring at him with her big watery eyes. Gideon did not usually show anything but calm indifference, and seeing him like a distressed over sized puppy, I pitied him.

"Wouldn't the first suspect be Mortmain?" I asked incredulously.

"You would think so, but it does seem suspicious of Gabriel to run away from the scene of the crime," Jem said gently in my ear. His warm breath sent a secure cocoon around me. He seemed so much healthier since our love affair, I wanted to beam with pride, but I held it down as will spoke.

"Jem's right," he said, "Especially since the consul is no where near as intelligent as us, they wouldn't even think about it."

"I think there's more to it then lack of intelligence Will," I said.

"Of course there is, I just like to point that part out."

"Tessa's correct," Sophie said softly. Instantly dozens of eyes were on her small maiden figure, she shrunk slightly back with Gideon's intense pained eyes on her. _Just get together already! Charlotte will not sack you, _I wanted to blurt.

"About what?" Jem asked gently.

"About there being more to it."

"Charlotte?" Henry asked worriedly. Eyes reverted to the stout firm Charlotte, who in her thoughts said emotionlessly, "Nathanial Grey's body is gone."

My body stiffened. _Gone?_

"Gone?" Will echoed, not hiding the defensive surprise in his voice as he took a step toward the kitchen door where Charlotte and Sophie stood.

"Gone?" I whispered, staring at my suddenly shaky hands. My dead brother's body is-

"As in nowhere to be found," Charlotte explained. "The silent brothers planned on burning Nathanial's body in the Silent City itself just to make sure Mortmain had no tricks up his sleeves. But they wanted to wait till tonight. When they went back to check on the body though, it was gone. And they instantly sent us a message."

I started taking in deep watery breaths; he died in my arms. The blood still stained Jessamine's male outfit that I had worn. _I watched him die he can't just get up and walk out of the heavily warded Silent City! _

_I watched him die! _

As if sensing my internal distress Jem scooted out of his seat and stood by my side, placing one hand on each shoulder soothingly. I worried he could feel my pulsing heart beat, because I could hear it in my ears. _I thought it was over with. . . That I would never have to hold my bearing in front of his harsh, wicked smile again. _And then when he looked up at me as he lay in my arms,_ he seemed so scared and pained. Maybe he didn't want things to be this way. . . _

"Tessa, maybe we should go-"

"No," I said firmly, looking up at Jem's concerned face. "It's ok. I'm ok." Will didn't look at me; he kept his eyes steadily in the opposite direction. I knew I shouldn't have let that bother me with Jem standing by me like a security blanket, but I couldn't help wondering about the mysterious boy.

"So Mortmain does have his tricks still," Will observed morosely, leaning back on a chair.

"I'm afraid so," Charlotte agreed.

And we only knew the beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

_A Silent Brother, dressed in his usual dank robed garb, cocked his head to the side as he peered at something through unseeing eyes. His mouth was forced forever into something of a frown, though I could feel the happiness coming from him as he and many other Silent Brothers crowded a stone table. I tried to peer in through the rectangular circle, desperate to see what they were so giddily transfixed on, but none of them would allow me in to have a look. _

"It is not proper,"_ one wheezed inside my head. _

"You will not like it,"_ another one croaked mentally. _

"Please, stand back,"_ a more civilized Silent Brother ordered. _

_But I refused. I wanted- no needed to see what they were hiding from me! I had to look. But they raised their arms up, causing their sleeves to fall limply down and reveal sickly looking limps, to block my every move. They reminded me of decaying corpses, and I shivered as my ghostly skin brushed one of them as I tried to thrust myself up and over. It almost worked; my stomach landed on top of their linked arms, and they tried to throw me off while echoing in my head like a million squawking birds: _

"You will not like it!"

"You do not belong here!"

"Silly mundane!"

_I shied away from their voices_. Be strong Tessa, _I had to remind myself, as their arms shoved my body backwards and I stumbled away from the circle and into a dark wall. Without hesitation, I prepared myself for another leap, pushing against the wall with my hands like the force could actually propel me faster. The desperate need to see what was on that stone table burned inside of me like a flame._

_I started to run, aiming for just above their arms so that I could land on the other side. But midway a voice caused me to falter. _

"You are simply a chess piece," _A silent brother drawled in a deep, foreboding voice. "_A king, in the midst of the Jokers plan." I stumbled over my feet, falling chest first into the bound hands.

"The dead, they are his pawns. And he will gain more than you can count. He has chosen his queen as well, a male. Which is bound to you with his rotten soul. Be prepared Tessa. The sun will not rise above the chessboard kindly, but with fire corrupting the white squares to red."

_Confuse burst through my mind. But I didn't have time or breath to speak. The Silent Brothers' flailing limps pushed me back and forward until I was sure I was going to be thrashed against the wall again. But Instead, I tumbled straight into the circle. I flew a foot or two in the air, stunned, and then plopped right down on something soft that lay sprawled across the table. I had closed my eyes without realizing it, preparing for the rough landing that never happened. Their words branded me with the imaginary flame that had been mentioned. _

"Corrupting the white square to red,"_ I whispered to myself, as if the thought could fly away and never return. _

"You do not belong here Tessa Grey." _For a moment I laid there in a numbed state, feeling the thoughts being recited as if it were being written on my skin. "_But you will." I will.

_A sense of foreboding crept over me, as a chill swept over me in the same instant, causing the robes of the Silent Brothers to billow soundlessly. . . . _"We are unable to offer you much assistance from here on. So it is your choice. Walk away, or play the part of king. But if you chose to walk away, the knights will roam the mortal Earth and Mortmain will control the queen."

No pressure,_ I thought dimly. _

_Slowly I opened my eyes. The queen. Who was this male queen they were talking about? I focused my sense on the feeling of my nose; face down, brushing something flaky. I focused on it because I would not dare think about the overwhelming facts the Silent Brothers had just bestowed on me, but it was too close to see. I could tell it was pale and fleshy looking, and as I carefully rose into a sitting position on the thing, my greatest suspicions were confirmed. _

_My chest welded up with air as I tried to hold in a scream; my eyes watered, and my heart thumped painfully against my chest. I stared at the sleeping face of my brother, decaying underneath me as I sat on his broken bloodied chest. _

_I couldn't look away from Nate's face; pale and browning, flaky, bloodied as if he were some soldier that died in war, his icy hands clasped on his stomach, his eyes staring up at the high ceiling vacantly, his lips almost pulled up into a wicked smile. Most people would say he looked peaceful, especially with that soft-lipped smile. But I couldn't shake off the feeling of regret and haunting that lingered within the tattered soul. _

"Nate,"_ I choked. _

_As if the sound of his name were a witch's resurrection spell, his eyes shot down to look at me and I nearly jumped out of my nickers. His neck made a sickening crunch as he attempted to sit up with me still perched on his chest. I almost fell to the ground in a panic as his lips actually curved up into a living, twisted grin. _

_No matter how much I wished I could be brave; I still screamed. _

_Nate's hollow eyes were turning red as blood seeped out of them like tears; his hand was tugging at my skirt, reaching for my soul, searching for my heart so that he could squeeze it until I di-_

"Tessa!"_ A Silent Brother shouted over me, _"Tessa it's only a dream! Please, stop screaming, wake-up!" _I tore my eyes away from Nate, who was now reaching out his wilting hand towards my arm with a dry groan, in hope of locating the Silent Brother who was speaking. But to my dismay I couldn't see past any of their jeering faces. _"Tessa, wake-up! Wake-up!"_ Though, the more I thought about it, the more I was convinced it sounded like-_

I jolted awake, involuntarily gasping in the process. My comforter dragged itself off of the bed in a heap as I watched little stars of light sparkle in the middle of my blurry vision. Shadows danced around the corners of the room, my room, and I tried to blink away the sudden nausea I felt as my eyes tried to dilate.

My room; the twin bed, the standard mahogany dresser, the washbasin, the window, the fire place- I was in the institute! I rubbed at my suddenly aching throat as I realized I had been dreaming the whole time. _But it felt so real. . ._

I remembered Nate's soft, moist hand creeping toward me, and the way the voices echoed so clearly in my head. I was sure they were real even if they were in my dreams. Was I having a premonition? But that was obscured. _Well,_ I rethought that statement. _Battling with metal beasts and being cheated by my brother would have seemed obscured as well not too long ago. _

A warm hand rested on shoulder and I nearly jumped out of bed when I realized there was a tall stiff figure looming over me and my thoughts. I swear his hand felt flaky and moist at first, but as I let my eyes focus my heart slowed when I saw it was only Will, and not some psychotic dead person. It was only will. My heart started its fanatic beating again.

"Tessa?" He said with great concern. _It had to be Will, out of everyone else in the house, Will of all people had to hear my whimsy screams,_ I thought with sarcasm dripping from my words. _Of course._

". . . "Tessa say something."

He must have jumped out of his own bed because he wasn't wearing his night robe, just his shirt and trousers, and his black hair was a tasseled mess. If my mind wasn't so preoccupied, I swore I would have blushed such a deep red that Will would have been able to see it in the dark.

"Tess! Please, are you in there?" He softly knocked on my head.

"Yes-" I began, but my thoughts trailed back to the prophecy the Silent Brothers moaned.

"Tessa. . "Will repeated.

I could not bear to forget what they had said about Mortmain using a queen, but who could that be? I was the king like they had said. The knights- well the knights were- I had not idea. My head was beginning to ache. And Nate was most defiantly one of the pawns the silent brothers mentioned. I suppressed a shiver. Nate was truly walking the earth again. And if he looked remotely the way he did in my dream . .

"Tessa!"

"We need to hold a meeting," I said seriously. I stared into Will's eyes. "Now."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Uh, I hope that I didn't wake you all up for nothing," I said sheepishly.

Suddenly, when in front of six sleepy-eyed people, my dream didn't feel like a premonition anymore. I felt their gazes scrutinizing my every move, especially Will's, and the library lights seemed to be trained on me like a spot light.

Maybe it simply was a dream. Then that would mean I would have ruined everybody's one opportunity for a full nights sleep in their snug, welcoming beds. I felt blood rising into my cheeks and I looked down at my hands; my fingers were toying nervously with the string that was on the robe Jem had lent me.

"You wouldn't have had us hold a meeting at three in the morning Tessa if you hadn't thought it important," Charlotte assured me kindly. Henry had his arms wrapped around her stout form. Though out of love or sleep, I wasn't sure. Charlotte was right though, I knew. Still, doubt continued to play with my mind.

Jem, who hovered next to me, placed a gently hand on my shoulder. But by the way he and the others neglected to add onto Charlottes comment, I knew that they were hoping I really did have a valid reason for disrupting their sleep.

"I had a dream," I blurted into the growing silence.

"What was this dream about love?" Jem asked softly.

"I was with the silent brothers, and, well . ." I was at a loss for words. The feeling of foolishness welded inside of me.

Naturally Will was no consolation for my rising unease. He stood exactly opposite from where I was, hiding in the shadows of a monstrous bookcase. His hands were clasped in front of him stiffly, and his eyes looked through me into an invisible distance. It was as if he hadn't found me screaming in my room at all. It was as if the Will in my bedroom- the one who felt anything near compassion- was gone.

I shook my head as if to rid myself of Will's cold indifference. _Just let it out Tessa. I know what I saw and I know what I felt. It was real. It_ was _real._ And the more I said it, the more I believed myself.

After a moment of building up my confidence, I sighed and said firmly, "I had a premonition." I paused, searching for a reaction, but when none came I continued into the silence. "Or something like it at least."

Jem wrapped his fingers around mine, his eyes suddenly alert.

"The Silent Brothers spoke to me. Not only did they tell me a riddle of some sort, but they also showed me to my brother. Nathan is alive." She had everybody's full attention now. Even Will's. Certainty burst through me as I continued.

"He's alive. And he looks more demented than he ever-" my throat tightened. "Uh, ever has."

"This riddle," Charlotte said urgently. She had untangled herself from Henry's embrace and stood only a foot or two away from Jem and me. "What did it say? Tessa, who said it? Nate?"  
Her voice was unnerving. But I unlatched myself from Jem anyway.

"Nate didn't tell me," I began. "The Silent Brothers recited it to me. One in particular, he compared our situation with Mortmain to a chessboard. Charlotte is this normal? Have you heard of mundanes giving premonitions before?"

Charlotte neglected to answer.

"A chess board?" Sophie asked with a concerned expression. Gideon was a foot away from her, unable to take his eyes off of her.

"What was the riddle Tessa?" Charlotte asked.

"Well, he said that Mortmain was the Joker; that he is creating a pawn army of the dead." Charlotte's body tensed. "And, despite me being a girl, that I am the king. The thing that concerned me most, of course besides the undead army, is that the Silent Brother mentioned a queen of some sort. And the queen is a male, someone who will be taken into Mortmain's grasp and used against us. We'll be betrayed. The last part of the riddle said that the rising sun would corrupt the white squares to red." I was taken aback at how effortlessly the information flowed through me, and how sure I felt that it was true. It was almost as if-

_No way_, I thought. The Silent Brothers couldn't get inside of my head when the distance between us dragged on for miles upon miles. Besides, hadn't they warned me that they could no longer help me? _Oh god, _I thought. So did that mean that the institute- the seven of us- were left to fight this war alone? I suppressed a shiver of terror. _Have faith,_ I ordered.

"The queen is the most powerful chess piece," Henry stated worriedly, jolting me out of my thoughts. He started to pace the library floor with heavy concentration, as if the chess analogy bothered him to a severe degree. One hand rubbed at his chin incessantly.

"Henry dear," Charlotte said with surprise. "You know the game of chess?"

He paused in his pacing long enough to answer, "Why yes of course dear who doesn't?" I was tempted to raise my hand, but refrained from doing so.

Instead I asked, "about the white squares turning red, does that mean that we- the good guys- are going to fail and fight to our death? Because that sounds like a losing situation to me."

"I think what the Silent Brother meant was corruption," Jem offered. He flashed me a smile. "Besides, we never lose." I mustered up a smile for him. His silvery eyes flowed with reassurance causing my nerves eased the slightest. He nodded, sensing my gratitude.

"There are many questions boiling inside of me," Henry said, oblivious to my and Jem's conversation. "But one comes to mind strongest. How is Mortmain a joker, if chess does not involve such a piece?"

"Yes your right!" I agreed enthusiastically. At least I knew one thing about chess. But everyone's puzzled expressions instantly extinguished my burst of pride.

"The Joker," Jem mumbled. "What's the first thing you think of when you hear the very word?"

"A deck of cards," Sophie ventured.

"No, that doesn't make sense, but good guess."

"A king. So with that, a kingdom," Gideon responded.

Jem hesitated in thought. "Possibly, but I don't think that's why he is the jok-"

"Puppets." His voice was so soft, so certain that Will became the center of attention. I had almost forgotten he was there in the shadows. He was being uncharacteristically quiet.

"What do puppets have to do with-" I began, but Jem cut me off.

"-Puppets, of course! Please excuse me Tessa. Mortmain holds the strings; he is the puppeteer to this metaphorical game of chess." After a thought he added, "that does not sound good."

"But why call him the Joker?" I asked.

Charlotte waved the question away. "Let's not waist our time with why, but with what that means."

"So you believe me? That my dream wasn't just a dream?"

"Of course Tessa, your are a part of this family after all."

"Thank-"

Will strode past me, knocking me in the shoulder with a painful shove, and disappeared into the hallway. We stared at the library door in confusion; lasts moments sentiments dissipated into the tense air.

"Always with the dramatic exists," Jem said tiredly. "I'll go get him." And Jem disappeared into the hallway after Will. Was it something I said? I worried. I shook my head. I had more important things to worry about than Will's feelings at the moment, and so did he.

"Not only does Mortmain have a metal army," Gideon said, slicing through my thoughts. "But now he has an undead army as well?"

"Unless dead people, and Nate, are a metaphor for something," I replied uncertainty.

"Not everything in this riddle is an English term Tessa," Henry said. "In this case, I believe the Silent Brothers are being straight forward. So yes Gideon, Mortmain has a metal army and an undead one now."

"Awesome," Gideon sighed. "This means war."

"Am I important?" I asked suddenly.

"Tessa why would you ask-"

"Oh Charlotte I didn't mean it like that! I mean is the king important in chess?"

"All pieces are important in the strategic beauty of the game. But you, the king, are almost as important as the queen."

The blood drained from my face. "Oh dear."

"So," Gideon said quietly, "which one of us is the queen? We have four choices. Henry, me, Jem, and Will."

A tense silence overthrew the library, echoing up the walls as if it knew the answer to our question but was unwilling to tell.

"It doesn't have to be one of us," I said meekly. But we all knew that was a false inference. The queen had to be one of us. How else could Mortmain catch us off guard with betrayal? He already had once. Why couldn't he do it again? I pictured Jem's sweet face in my mind, unable to imagine a world in which he betrayed us. There _was_ no world where he would betray me. There couldn't be.

"We need rest," Charlotte ordered with a stifled yawn. Sleep sounded beautiful. I was too tired to think or worry anymore. I caught myself rubbing at my eyes. All of sudden the seriousness of the situation we were in wasn't as important as sliding into bed for a nap.

"Out, out! All of us back to bed now. We have to visit the Lightwood house tomorrow and we need to be half-conscience, at least, while we investigate." Charlotte began flapping her arms like a chicken, herding us towards the door.

My fingers were wrapping themselves one by one around the shiny, golden doorknob when the house began to shake.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"What the hell is that?" Gideon asked, as he swept Sophie into his arms and away from a shelf of falling books. Even when she was safe, they didn't let go of each other as the library walls vibrated with a furious moan. I was surprised when Sophie didn't protest, but the terrified and yet satisfied expression on her face proved she had no intention of leaving Gideon's strong embrace.

"Charlotte dear!" Henry wobbled to his wife's side, wrapping his arms around her like he was a jacket. He pulled Charlotte into the middle of the room, surveying the bookshelves as if they were sharks preparing to strike.

I clung to the door handle, attempting to steady myself in the midst of the chaos. Would the troubles never end? I felt like some God above was shaking the institute like a snow globe, hoping I would fall into an invisible abyss. The solid ground beneath me melted under my feet like snow and I yelped in surprise as my body nearly collapsed. I clutched the handle tighter as if my life depended on it.

Upon seeing Henry and Charlotte and Sophie and Gideon together, loneliness and vulnerability struck me. I was instantly reminded of Will and Jem alone in the hallways. I desperately hoped that they were safe and would come back soon. Both of them.

"Henry, get off of me!" Charlotte barked, as she broke free from his hold. She swayed back and forth like she was on a ship in the middle of a raging storm. "I am head of this institute and it is my respons-"

The shaking paused.

"-iblility." Charlotte finished in a whisper.

We held our breaths.

The silence that surrounded us gave us cause to remain still.

The clatter of books was the only sound as they tumbled down the shelves like an avalanche.

After the last few books splattered to the carpet in a tangled heap, Henry dared to whisper. "An earthquake?"

But no one had time to answer.

I flinched as the sound of shattering glass echoed in the hallway behind the library door. My hands jolted away from the doorknob, but my body refused to step away. The sound reminded me of a million windows exploding all at once, sending shards of confetti flying in all directs.

Something defiantly wasn't right.

The image of a bloodied Jem and Will clouded my mind. Their skin was pierced with glistening shards of glass, their bodies were incapacitated, a threat slowly approached them but all they could do was stare at it with fear and helplessness . . . .

_Stop it Tessa,_ I scolded. Making myself uneasy wasn't going to help anybody.

But what if they were in trouble? Foreboding swept through me like a cool wind. And what could be the cause of this trouble?

"We have to go out there." I was unable to take my eyes off of the door as urgency ran thick through my veins.

"Tessa-" Charlotte began in protest.

"Jem and Will are out there!"

"And they can take care of themselves."

"But what if whatever is out there is too much for them to bare? And after all they've been through in the past-"

"We don't even know if anything is out there yet."

I knew she didn't believe herself.

"Charlotte," I said in exasperation, turning to look into her eyes. But instead of meeting the eyes of a mother goose like I was so accustomed to, I met the eyes of an authority figure: venerable, serious, and stern. Did I see a hint of bone-deep exhaustion flash across her face?

"At least let me go and look into the hall, so that I don't go insane with worry," I offered after a pause.

Charlotte hesitated greatly. And when she didn't answer I added, "I've had my fair share of training. Well, a week but its still fair. Besides, I can always yell if I need you. Just let me see if my fiancé is ok."

_And Will_, I thought dimly.

"Let's hope you do not need us," Charlotte replied uncertainty, clearly unconvinced.

Then she sighed; a heavy sigh that said she was a mother goose, reluctant to send her baby out into the world premature. And yet, she was going to let me go anyway.

Excitement flickered in my stomach. But it was quickly dowsed with doubt as the Silent Brother's words echoed in my head.

_You do not belong here Tessa Grey . . . _

I tried to brush the thought away, but it lingered in my mind like poison.

Did I honestly believe that I was capable of defending myself, of fighting and taking charge like Will and Charlotte and Jem? I was born into a human life. How could I ever reach the levels at which the institute ran?

The fact that I was a mundane burned on my skin like a shameful birthmark. For a split second I had believed I was strong enough, but fear left a bitter taste in my mouth. Was I ever truly going to be a part of institute life?

No. How could I?

I shook my head. I could do a simple task. I could search the hallway and see if Jem and Will were there. At least I could start to prove myself somehow.

But it didn't feel simple.

All of sudden sending me out in the open seemed like a treacherous idea. But I didn't feel like I could back down, not when everybody else contributed something great to the institute. What did I contribute? More emotions and pain and danger. It was my turn to save somebody, to make an impact, to do something other than tag along and get rescued.

_Oh gosh._

Where was this coming from? _Who am I? _I wondered, because the Tessa who believed Nate was nothing but a loving brother, who knew for a fact that humans were nothing more than humans, and who lived a rather safe and content life, was dead. Who was this new Tessa?

The unknown unnerved me.

But I didn't have time to ponder as four pairs of eyes scrutinized me.

I took a deep, centering breath and tried mustering up as much courage as I could hoard.

"Don't you want to take Gideon?" Charlotte pressed earnestly. But my look of determination made her furrow her brow.

"I can do this Charlotte. All I have to do is walk down the hall. I'll be fine," I told her airily.

With a final sigh, Charlotte mustered up a smile. "I believe in you. Now hurry on up, I have sleep to catch up on."

I managed just enough courage so that my fingers wrapped themselves around the doorknob once again.

_You do not belong here Tessa Grey . . . _

"But I will," I mumbled to myself.

And I inched the door open and slipped out into the hall.


End file.
